In which I persevere when I should have just given up.

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you…. drumroll please…

The embarrassment of Twilleys!

The exemplification of hubris!

The proof that beginners are not always lucky!

The wonky horror!

The felted monstrocity!

The one, the only, the original…

FAILHAT!

I wear a bad hat and a dubious expression

Not looking good

Close up of bad hat.

Nope, not looking any better close up

Described as “That extraordinary thing you were wearing on your head that looked like something belonging to a cardinal”, FAILHAT began life as the cardigan project of Doom. A classic example of beginner makes three scarves and thinks that an ‘experienced’ level cardie pattern is well within their grasp. Oh woe is me…

I started out by buying not quite enough yarn in a colour that was being discontinued, always a good way to begin a project. So I spent some time halfway through running around London trying to find more. Eventually the internet came to my aid.

Of course I didn’t gauge swatch. I just charged right on in and happily hooked away until I had all the pieces ready to assemble. Of course it was mostly far too big with kind of skinnier sleaves and a loose flappy body. This on a cardigan that’s supposed to be a neat little fitted thing.

So what did I do? Did I frog? Nope, this yarn is fuzzy and sticky and virtually unfroggable. And anyway I’d assembled, I’d trimmed. I wasn’t going to unstitch and frog. So what did I do?

Well, you already know it’s felted so I think you can guess the next bit…

I put it in hot water and left it to shrink. Which It didn’t noticeably do. In fact the water wasn’t very hot and the sleaves even stretched a bit making them even longer and ganglier than before.

So I put my newbie crocheters thinking cap on and I decided that if I stuck it in the drier just for a few minutes I could shrink it down in a controlled way. So in it went.

Then the phone rang. A work call. I had to answer.

By the time it came out the drier 40minutes later it might have fit a six year old. Providing the six yr old had very skinny arms and never cared about moving them once inside their thick ugly grey felted jacket.

Oh… dear…

I put the cardigan away and went about my daily life. Older, sadder, wiser.

Then one day I saw the wretched garment and it seemed to call to me: “You could make a hat! You could cut out a box shape and make a little retro pillbox hat!”

So I did. And I even put a couple of little fan shapes on the front in an attempt to make it pretty. Then I determinedly wore it out to meet a friend and her family for a coffee.I had to get something back for all that time money and effort.

It was my friend’s dad whose immortal description above has prompted me to enter FAILHAT into this post for your enjoyment. I hope it has amused you as it clearly amused him. I am trying to decide whether the hipsters in this area are daft enough that it’s worth putting the blessed thing in the charity bag or whether I should do the world a favour and bin it.

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10 Comments on “In which I persevere when I should have just given up.”

  1. Karen says:

    Fantastic! I salute you for your honesty and bravery!!! ;-)

  2. gossycrafts says:

    Oh, please do set it free into the hipster ecosystem! Imagine what amusement you’ll create for the rest of us.

  3. Emma says:

    I have just laughed so much at this (alone in my room, contemplating entering the world only semi conscious) that I started crying (tears of joy) followed by my house mate knocking on my door to see what was wrong.

    I think I may put down the hook, and walk away from the Twinkie chan cupcake hat just in case it’s catching…

  4. I think it’s cute. :) My best friend would absolutely love it!


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